What Should Parents Expect From Their Student The First Few Weeks Of Semester?

by Ina Sivits Luhring
Mental Health, University Housing

As a parent of a new college student, the next few weeks will be a time of transition for both you and your daughter or son. Here are a few tips as you navigate the changing experiences, communications, and feelings.

What is most important for me to communicate to my son or daughter? Trust is the single most important thing you can communicate to your son or daughter. Communicate your belief that they will make good choices. Over the years you have instilled in them values, beliefs, knowledge of your expectations, and the foundation for your current relationship. It's time to continue to build upon that foundation with the same level of trust and respect that you would like to receive from your student.

Letting Go. As you express your trust and ongoing love for your son or daughter, keep in mind that part of their adult development during their first year in college will involve experimentation and questioning. It is often difficult to "let go." Letting your son or daughter explore new ideas, have experiences and meet challenges are significant keys to building independence necessary for him or her to become a successful and productive adult. Listen to your student and express your trust and love.

Risk is often directly correlated with personal, academic, and professional growth. Support your student as he or she takes risks, with an understanding that he or she will make some mistakes. Learning how to manage a mistake will contribute to your student's ability to handle challenges throughout the rest of his or her life.

Unspoken questions. Students may not say it, but they may wonder about it while making decisions and mistakes: "Will my parents still love and support me?" This can be a "make it or break it" question that will determine the climate of the adult-to-adult relationship you are developing with your son or daughter.

Struggling with new challenges. Consider how you will support your student. Focus on your student ultimately learning to take responsibility for their life decisions, actions, and plans. For example, you might help your son or daughter find resources for a certain problem, but then clearly communicate that he or she is the best person to contact that resource and begin the process of making a decision. Just listening carefully and responding with one or two strategic questions is the most effective type of support a parent can provide.

"I don't hear from her/him as much." During this time of transition, it is normal for the frequency of communication with your student will begin to gradually decline. You may experience mixed emotions; a feeling of wanting to hang on to your child, and yet knowing it is time for them to take that step of growing up and leaving home. You may find yourself thinking about your son or daughter, wondering what is happening throughout the day in her or his life.

When you do hear from your student. Keep in mind college students respond best to your interest and listening, and will choose to communicate less with you if he or she feels you are conducting a quiz each time you talk. Ask your student about the positives, as well as listening to negatives. You will gain a more complete picture of their experiences as you remember to communicate and listen to the good and exciting, as well as the bad and (hopefully not) the ugly!